In those final weeks of pregnancy, it can feel like the rest of the world is impatiently waiting to rush in and meet your baby as soon as they arrive.
But what if that's not what you want?
What if, instead, you're yearning for some quiet, private time with your newborn? It's okay to want that, and it's okay to say 'no' to visitors. You don't owe anyone access to your baby, and it's not selfish to keep your postpartum period visitor-free.
Give Yourself Permission: The Visitor-Free Fourth Trimester
Let's dive into why it's important to prioritize your needs, how to set loving boundaries, and what alternatives you can offer to your eager friends and family so you can enjoy those first precious moments with your baby, just the way you want.
It's Okay to Prioritize Your Needs
First off, let's bust the myth: saying 'no' to visitors doesn't make you ungrateful or a bad host. It makes you a mom who's prioritizing her and her baby's needs. This time is about recovery, both physically and emotionally. And if you just want your mom or your sister, and nobody else, that’s okay too.
I was adamant about not having any visitors at the birth centre and that we would invite them for their own private visit at the house once we were settled (my guess at the time was 1-2 weeks later) because I wanted to enjoy that first family time with my own family, no matter how tiny. BUT my husband also knew that if anything went wrong and we ended up in the hospital, he was summoning my parents from out of town for me on the ambulance ride over (just them!).
Health Comes First
With a newborn, health is paramount. Limiting visitors can be a physical health decision too. Newborns have weak immune systems, and we need to minimize their exposure to germs. No matter your stance on vaccines, we know that in those early weeks, even a common cold can wreak havoc on a tiny new baby, nevermind the scarier stuff like RSV (the older generation loves kissing babies!).
Bonding Time Matters
The early days with your baby are irreplaceable. They're for bonding, learning each other's cues, and establishing a routine. Honestly, crowding these moments with visitors, no matter how well-meaning, can disrupt this crucial bonding period. Unless they're cleaning last night's dishes or flipping that bee-wet-for-two-days laundry load while you snuggle your sleeping baby, they can wait. And even then, it's not selfish to put those tasks off to bond with your baby.
It's About Emotional Well-Being
Postpartum blues are real, and the last thing you need is the stress of entertaining or managing multiple schedules. Your emotional well-being is just as important as your physical recovery. And as the old saying goes, "sleep when the baby sleeps" is impossible when you have guests over, so don't feel an ounce of shame on getting your well-needed rest.
Setting Boundaries is Healthy
Setting boundaries is healthy for all relationships. It's a way to communicate your needs respectfully, to your spouse and your families. Start by having an honest conversation with potential visitors before the baby arrives. Explain that you'll be limiting visitors and why.
You don't have to go into detail if you prefer to keep it vague, but I have found that most people respond best to appreciating their support, reiterating that it is not never—just not right now, and inviting them to schedule a visit after your preferred postpartum window. And remember that often times, the people who have problems with boundaries are the ones we need to set them for anyway.
Offer Alternatives
Let your loved ones know that their support is still valued. And for those insisting on coming to visit because they truly want to help (in exchange for baby snuggles is a common ruse!), consider suggesting alternative ways they can help, like dropping off meals, running some impossible-to-do-with-a-newborn errands for you, or driving you to your appointments if your spouse has to go back to work before you're ready. This lets them be involved without overwhelming you.
Don't Forget the Power of Technology
Thank goodness for technology! Suggest video calls as an alternative to in-person visits. This way, everyone gets to see the baby without invading your space (and you can hang up at the first sign of drama!).
You Can Always Change Your Mind
Finally, remember, it's your right to change your mind. If you feel up to visitors sooner or later than expected, that's perfectly fine. And changing your mind to allowing certain persons to visit before the rest of the family is also a completely valid decision. I didn't anticipate visitors for the first two weeks, and the specifics are all a blur, but I remember my bestie being in my kitchen making me food at one point, but gone the next and no dishes so I thought I had imagined the entire thing—now that is my kind of visitor!
This is your journey and your baby. Setting boundaries is not just okay; it's necessary. And you can do so lovingly!
Looking for more mom-life tips, guidance, or stories?
11 Birth Secrets Your Doctor Probably Didn’t Tell You
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Pure Natural Portraits (Stephanie de Montigny)
Pregnancy through Baby’s First Year & Beyond
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